Lootapalooza

So, what’s the plan for today? I could explore exciting new places, find interesting new landmarks, thrill and delight my readers…
But screw that, I left a bunch of my stuff back at the abandoned ranch a few days ago.
I want my stuff.
And new places are scary.

The key here is to cram as much crap as possible into my backpack once I get there, so all I take with me is a pistol, my rifle and a little food & drink. And then off Joe goes.

I tell you what, it wasn’t a thrill to slowly walk this trail the first time, and it’s not a thrill to walk back. And at this stage the limited selection on the New Vegas radio is beginning to grate. I swear to baby Jesus, if I ever find ‘Johnny Guitar’ I’m going to f#$%en kill the sonofabitch.
But it’s all worth it when Joe makes it to the abandoned ranch and finds all his loot right where he left it.

It’s lucky for the readers that Joe just can’t take up farming.

Back at the ranch. It’s lucky for the readers that Joe just can’t take up farming.

Oh, loot, the times we had together. I love you!
And that’s when I get to thinking… This loot is nice, but do you know what’s nicer? MORE loot. And do you know where there is more loot? In the massively depopulated town that’s just to the south-west.

I mean, sure – it was the site of a horrible massacre that will cause nightmares for generations yet unborn… but that’s a lot of perfectly good stuff there. And it could be MY stuff.
And this ranch is a wonderful halfway point between Nipton and Novac. And I’m the only scavenger who yet knows that Nipton is empty…

And thus begin the greatest act of wanton grave robbery the world had ever known!

Joe’s Diary: Day 1
Heading back to the ruins of Nipton as a scavenger. Can’t really call myself a prospector as I’ll be collecting items from the recently dead, not artefacts from the old world.
Still, I’m feeling rather positive about this decision – even if it is paramount to desiccation of a grave. All thanks to the soothing balm of sweet cash money.
I start with the first house I come to, and as if to greet me there is a whole meal laid out on the table. The fruit hasn’t gone bad yet, so I gather it all up.
I go through the whole house and turn it inside out. Every book, toy, can, box of detergent, weapon or drink – it all gets shoved into my backpack. And then it’s on to the next house. I’ll stay there tonight and resume work tomorrow.
This is going to be easier than I thought.

The big one was too hot. The little one was too cold. The middle one was just right. But Joe took them all.

The big one was too hot. The little one was too cold. The middle one
was just right. But Joe took them all.

Joe’s Diary: Day 2
This isn’t as easy as I thought.
The house I visited today had a floating robot that tried to light me on fire. I mean, sure I was set on taking everything that had belonged to its prior owner… but still.
Luckily the robot seemed half finished, so I wasn’t too hurt by it. Also a silver lining, this place is loaded! Components, energy weapons and the standard food supplies. I’m carrying so much after cleaning out the house that I’ll need to head back to my staging ground at the ranch.
If I’m lucky I can be there by nightfall.

There’s valuable tech here. I can smell it.

There’s valuable tech here. I can smell it.

Joe’s Diary: Day 4
Okay, that commute from the Ranch to Nipton is out of control. The walking has forced me to reconsider my strategy here. There is a lot of stuff to get to and the longer I take to gather it up, the more likely that likely some competition will happen along. From now on I’ll only collect stuff I think I can sell for a good profit – no more rusty cans for scrap. I hate to leave ANY money behind, but I have to make tough choices.
Not tough choices like, “Is it morally right to take the belongings of people who were murdered?”
Tough choices like, “Should I take all the stuff from the dead guys or just most of it?”
The first house on my route today had an old BB gun hung on the wall. Nice! Not sure I’ll sell it – it reminds me of my childhood in Vault 101.
The next house is somewhat grim – filled with the bodies of NCR soldiers lured into a trap. So, so sad. I take all their gear – I’ll use it in their memory. And by ‘use it’ I mean ‘sell it’. And by ‘in their memory’ I mean ‘for my personal benefit’.

"You'll shoot your eye out, kid"

"You'll shoot your eye out, kid"

Who ordered the dead guy?

Who ordered the dead guy?

Joe’s Diary: Day 5
Ah, back at the safe ol’ ranch.
Just came back from Nipton and I’m about to take my first pack-load of items into Novac. On the way I pass those legionaries I saw when I last came this way. I think there are more of them.

Joe’s Diary: Day 7
Coming into Nipton is still eerie and the air is thick with smoke. What the hell is still burning?
One of the homes I see today has some snazzy business suits. Looting bodies, but looking good!

We didn't start the fire / It was always burning / Since the world's been turning

We didn't start the fire / It was always burning
Since the world's been turning

Insert witty comment here

Insert witty comment here

Joe’s Diary: Day 8
Blood. Poison.
House today… full of scorpions. All in a cage. Should have seen it coming. House fill of traps. Disarmed or avoided most of them. Last trap opened the cage and the blighters got out. Need sleep.
Need to get back… to ranch.

GAAAH! BITEY!

GAAAH! BITEY!

Joe’s Diary: Day 10
Feeling a lot better today. The walk to the ranch yesterday got the last of that poison out of my system. I’m sick of Nipton for now, and ready to take another load of goods back to Novac.
Definitely more legionaries on the way. Should I worry?

Joe’s Diary: Day 12
Back from Novac. Enjoyed seeing live people – even crazy old No-Bark.
Nevermind, back to Nipton tomorrow.

Joe’s Diary: Day 14
In Nipton I’ve worked my way around to the general store… there was one of those nasty powder gang members in there…
He didn’t have a gun… he wasn’t aggressive… and he had both his legs broken… and seems to have been hiding out there for some time.
But in my defense, if he HAD a gun I’m sure he’d have used it… which means I was acting in proactive self-defense, right?
Am I a bad person?
Not sure.
But I am a RICH person.

Joe’s Diary: Day 20
The lockers at the ranch are now stuffed full of loot and I think I’m done with Nipton. It’ll still be several trips between the ranch and Novac before everything is back in my new home, but Nipton is picked clean.

 Long as those crates aren't empty, I call this a win.

Long as those crates aren't empty, I call this a win.

Joe’s Diary: Day 22
Today I was travelling into Novac when I wonder a bit off the road and am attacked by raiders. They must have been watching me transporting my goods, the bastards!
I fight back, unwilling to give up my newly acquired goods – and it’s looking good until one shows up packing a grenade launcher.

Nowhere to run… looking bad…
And then a group of NCR Soldiers on patrol happen past. Praise Vault-tech!
I’m not in good nick afterwards, but the doctor in Novac can help me.

Just in the nick of time. What does that make them? Big Damn Heroes.

Just in the nick of time. What does that make them? Big Damn Heroes.

You don't say?

You don't say?

Not idea - but I'm still rich and I can limp home.

Not ideal - but I'm still rich, I have all their stuff and I can limp home!
That's a win!

Joe’s Diary: Day 25
DONE! Almost everything is in Novac now, other than a few emergency supplies I’ve left at the ranch in case I ever have to use it as a safe-house.
And I’ve already managed to move a lot of the items. Anything that the store in town didn’t want I’ve managed to sell to traders passing through, the doctor or the scrap dealer up the road.
And the proceeds? 4500 caps.
4500!
Joe’s back, baby!

Home is where you hang your hat... and where you store your massive pile of caps.

Home is where you hang your hat...
and where you store your massive pile of caps.

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2 Responses to “Lootapalooza”

  1. Malcolm Rivera Says:

    Your feelings toward Mt. Guitar are mutual.

  2. maccesfield Says:

    achivement unlocked………..Joe the graverobber

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