Primm and Proper

Goodsprings is perfect. Well, Goodsprings is almost perfect. No traders come through this way. Like… ever. To the north are Deathclaws and worse. To the south is the town of Primm, now totally overrun by the Powder Gang. There isn’t really any way to and from Goodsprings other than the little hidden valley I’ve been using – and that’s obscure enough that I’m not sure anyone else knows about it.
So Goodsprings has everything we could need, but the isolation means that it’s a less than ideal place to start a business.

And actually, the brevity of the Battle of Goodsprings has me thinking… After how profitable the last battle was it seems silly not to go ‘liberate’ Primm. Right?
(And by, ‘liberate’, I mean, ‘loot while Lily crushes all opposition beneath her giant hammer’)
Besides, my plans for a franchise will never happen if the roads are all blocked.

I set off the next morning, keen to unleash Lily on an unsuspecting group of gang-members. It’s like bowling; accept instead of a ball I’m using Lily, and rather than pins I’m using Powder Gang member’s faces.

What could possibly go wrong?

What could possibly go wrong?

On out approach it looks a lot like Nipton… deserted streets and a large plume of black smoke staining the sky. There is one small comfort near Primm that Nippon was missing; the town is contained by an NCR roadblock. Sadly the NCR troopers haven’t been brave enough to pit themselves against the Power Gangers holed up in the town, but at least they’re keeping them from getting out.

Good helping, NCR. You’re obviously doing a GREAT job here.

Good helping, NCR. You’re obviously doing a GREAT job here.


We pass the NCR command tents and, once again a NCR guard calls out a warning to stay out of town. Not this time, buddy – Last time I turned tail. This time I have a secret weapon!

I crouch down and try to sneak into the town unseen. Seeing my general plan Lily turns on her stealth-boy and vanishes altogether. This is going to be fun…

Sure enough, once we are inside Primm it doesn’t take long for the gang members to find me. I might like easy and remarkably cowardly pray… luckily for Joe it doesn’t take long for Lily to find them.
Contrary to popular belief, a giant blue mutant willing to commit bloody murder on your behalf is really man’s best friend. Lame arse dogs can suck it.

I know he can’t see her, but threatening Lilly with a tire-iron is the last mistake he’ll ever make.

I know he can’t see her, but threatening Lilly with a tire-iron is the last mistake he’ll ever make.

After chasing down the remaining gang members loitering in the streets we head on back to Goodsprings. Sure enough, we’ve ‘liberated’ enough gear to make the store look pretty healthy indeed.
And that really should have been enough for me. But it wasn’t enough. It’s never enough!

War. Good God, y’all.What is it good for? Making lots of money! Say it again. Okay!

War. Good God, y’all.
What is it good for?
Making lots of money!
Say it again.
Okay!

The streets are empty and there are plenty of homes to start looting.

The sheriff’s home was particularly tragic – but it did score me a sweet hat and duster combo.

Tragic. But they died heroes. And by heroes I mean, they left me all their stuff.

Tragic. But they died heroes. And by heroes I mean, they left me all their stuff.

Having looted several homes, Joe’s eyes finally stray to the massive casino that dominates the centre of the small town. I’m going to be SO rich.
I burst in ready to fill my pickets with sweet bling, but am almost immediately taken aback. It’s full of people… lots of people. And not ‘evil gang member people’, but quietly cowering people.

This is

This is going to take the shine off of the rampant looting.

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